SO... a lot has happened since the last time I wrote a journal....
Things got extremely shakey between Heather and myself, so we ended up breaking up. Of course, we went back out and broke up a couple more times.... this really sucked ass- a lot of strain on my heart. I loved her so much, but she didn't see...
Then I met a guy and I am currently dating him. He's been what no one else has been... someone I can trust and depend on when I need to. He lives in Savannah, yes, but somehow we've managed for this long....
The beginning of the year came, and I dreaded the sixth, but it came. I was so depressed that Jo Ann and I went to Savannah. We were cheered up to an extent, but went back home with a sense of lonliness. We were invited to go to a memorial-type service for Miranda, and we went. It was so beautiful... her mother received a gift- the headband (preserved) that Miranda was to wear for the wedding, and the insert that was in the handouts that spoke of Miranda being the flower girl had she been there. This was all in a shadowbox. Tears were shed, hugs were exchanged, and goodbyes were said. She'll never be forgotten.
Days went by... Jo Ann and I started having more fights... actually... the more serious problem was the fight between my father and me. It was so bad that I didn't go home for a while, and when I did, he still didn't talk to me. It has just started getting better... and Jo Ann is planning on getting help since I can't seem to.
I have hardly any friends, when I try to make friends, SOMEONE or SOME PEOPLE have to interfere and bring up old memories. There are also those who have been holding on to the past for dear life.... One person thinks that coming around me where I work bothers me- I just laugh. Another person keeps telling people about secrets that I entrusted to them, scratches up my truck, threatens me, and then turns around and tries to be nice to me and expects me to come crawling to them. Then there are those who expect so much out of me- GET STRAIGHT A'S, CLEAN THE HOUSE, TAKE CARE OF THE DOGS, BE NICE TO SOMEONE, DRIVE ME AROUND........... .............................. SOME- do everything for me, drive me here and there, take pity on me, I don't take things from others even if it's offered, I don't want to do that, don't tell me what to do, what's saving mean?
ONE- are you ok? what's bothering you? You're scaring me. We'll get your phone soon. I know money's tight, but we'll make it through this...

I do believe God is there. I do believe that I have sincerely hit rock bottom and I am being lifted out. He knows what forgiveness is. HE is the judge of where I am to be. HE knows what is good for me and what I need to know. I'm sure He knows I'm tired of it. I'm also sure that He's going to help all those other people as well. I have prayed for so long for them all to realize that they have sins of their own and that I just want to be left alone, or for them to confront me if they have an issue instead of babbling behind my back.

I know you read this. I know you care in some way. God loves you, and I'd like to say I love you too. Words mean nothing, so I hope you see by my future actions.